Time Out

Kassidy didn't go to school yesterday - I had to call a time out for her because she was just too "out of control" yesterday morning. I was relieved to see that when I got home she was more like herself. And I bet the school needed the break more then she did!

Sharing Time

Just read this at http://michelleoneilwrites.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-03-30T01%3A32%3A00-04%3A00&max-results=100&reverse-paginate=true   and had to share it!



What If.......?

I've been tossing around an idea in my brain.

What if "autism" is something gone terribly right?

I know. That statement might rub me just the teensiest bit the wrong way if my child was smearing poop on the walls, if she was still screaming 24/7, or if she had never said, "Mommy." It will inevitably rub me the wrong way at some point this very day, when my "high functioning" child displays her inflexibility, or when I catch myself worrying about her future.

But I'm not talking about the daily nitty-gritty. I'm talking about the big picture.

There is a line in A Course in Miracles that says, "I do not know what I am looking at so I must not judge what I see." It applies to all situations.

A teacher once told me a parable about an ant and a tree in winter. To the ant, with it's short life span, the tree looks dead. It's over. The ant is not able to know...from his tiny perspective, what will happen come spring.

We do not yet know the purpose of autism in the grand scheme of the Universe. On a soul level, why are these kids here?

Our daughter has turned our lives inside out and upside down. She has taken us through the fire. We are better people for having had this child. Let's see....the potential for 1 in 150 sets of "better," more compassionate, less judgemental, conscious parents. Not to mention siblings and extended family. Not to mention friends. Not to mention blog readers! What are the ripple effects?

What if I re-direct my thoughts of victimhood and worry, to thoughts of appreciation for what these brave souls are bringing to the planet?

What if, there is more to this epidemic, than I can see?

So Unpredictable!

Last night was Kassidy's 2nd Grade Night of Music concert at her school. I was very nervous about this all day yesterday. At her kindergarten graduation she did excellent standing on the stage in front of everyone and following along with the songs and movements. Then in first grade she had the worst night I have ever seen. She was too nervous for being on stage and the teacher had her at the end of the group. During the entire performance she was looking at the ceiling, doing her own moves and just "showing" she had autism. I guess it was hard for me because it was the first time I had to sit there and watch her being autistic and not be able to do anything to help her try to snap out of it. After she had done so well before on stage I guess I expected it to always be that way. WRONG - and boy did it hit me like a ton of bricks to actually see Kassidy act autistic. Fast forward to now and I am a nervous wreck. Kassidy brought up Monday night that she was shy and didn't know if she could do it. I told her she didn't have to, it was totally up to her. She decided she wanted to do the show. So Tuesday night Kassidy, Shane and I got to the school at the appointed time Kassidy needed to be there by and Shane and I went to the auditorium to wait for daddy, grandma jeanne and aunt dee to arrive before the show started. As all the 2nd graders where coming down the hall to start the show, I hear Kassidy screaming in her panic screams and my first thought was "here we go". The principal of the school and I go running out to the hallway to see if we could help calm her down because we both thought that she was just scared to go on stage. When we get to her, her teacher told us to look at her foot and we look down and her foot is bleeding.  Kassidy has a weird obsession with blood. She doesn't like to see her own though. So Kassidy yells out "It is a blood bath" and the principal takes her to the office to get a bandaid. (She had scabs on her foot from a rash and I guess she scratched at it on the way to the auditorium and pulled a scab off - thus the blood bath.)  So her wonderful principal got the bandaid on and we head back to the auditorium and get Kassidy in her spot just in time for the show to start. I return to my seat on the floor next to Shane and all during the first number, Kassidy keeps motioning to me that she wants me to do something but I can't figure out what. By the end of the number she is frustrated because I am not doing whatever she is trying to tell me to do. So when the song is over she raises her hand and tells the music teacher that she needs to talk to me. The teacher lets her come over to me where she proceeds to tell me that I am supposed to be sitting in a chair, not on the floor and for me to go find one in the back - IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SECOND GRADE CLASSES AND A JAM PACKED AUDITORIUM! I immediately jump up and tell her ok and find a seat while the music teacher takes her back to her spot. And Kassidy did wonderfully through the rest of the show. Once or twice she started to escape to her world but pulled herself back to reality. She did keep an eye on me to make sure I stayed in the chair though! Then I felt like I needed to explain to everyone in the place why she did what she did because I know that most of them do not know she has autism. I didn't do it but I just felt like holding up a big neon sign that said,  "You just saw the face of autism." When it was all done, she was very proud of herself and she just kept saying she couldn't believe she was bleeding before the show but she did the show. So I guess we took one small step back with the two little "scenes" but one giant leap forward because she was able to refocus and complete the task at hand. I am SO emotionally and physically exhausted today but I can say - ha ha to autism, we won last night!

Just One Way to Explain Kassidy

My child is super smart. She performs way above her grade level at school, but many things most children learn intuitively escape her. Once properly explained, she usually "get's it" quickly. It's just a matter of figuring out what needs spelling out and how exactly to spell it.

The above is taken from http://michelleoneilwrites.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2007-04-04T14%3A42%3A00-04%3A00&max-results=50&reverse-paginate=true
describing her daughter who is on the autism spectrum - too scary that it also describes Kassidy perfectly.

I Am Not A Hater

We try to teach the kids that it is not nice to hate. If I hear them use the word HATE for anything I tell them that the Christianson Family DOES NOT HATE!

It is almost time for me to leave work and head home and I do not want to go! Why? Because I HATE folding and putting away the laundry. I HATE IT!  And I have 2 baskets full of clean clothes that have been waiting for me all week and today I have run out of excuses for why I can't do it tonight. I tell the kids their first chore will be the laundry but anyone that knows me will know that I will never make them do it because why would it be fair for me to pass on a chore I don't like to my kids. Heck, I will probably be doing their families laundry when I am in my 80's.

Shane has agreed to wash the clothes because it is fun to put the soap in the washer and the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer. He said the rest is for me - my kids are so generous.

Did I mention that I HATE folding the laundry? We can send people to live in space but we can't make clothes that don't get dirty - hey honey, get right on that, will ya!

Why Autism Sucks: A Parent's Perspective

Borrowed this from:  http://michelleoneilwrites.blogspot.com/2006/05/why-autism-sucks-parents-perspective.html


1) Your child is nervous, anxious, fighting to keep it together on a minute by minute basis.


2) Your child often loses this battle, screaming, falling apart in a full blown panic.

3) In your helplessness and frustration you sometimes lose compassion and scream at your child, or say something awful, making a bad situation worse.

4) People think your child is ill-behaved or rude.

5) People think you are a bad parent.

6) People don’t invite you for play dates.

7) Unlike kids with other developmental issues (my friend’s child with Down Syndrome has had services thrown at him since birth) medical insurance refuses to cover most therapies for autism, citing there is no FDA approval for the very therapies that are working for these kids. If you are poor, and you have an autistic child, the situation is quite hopeless. If you are not poor, you will be soon.

8) Any event that seems like fun, probably won’t be.

9) Everything’s a battle. Potty, getting dressed, etc. Getting out the door can take an hour.

10) You worry about your child’s social isolation and at the same time resent the child for socially isolating you. Then you feel guilty for thinking of yourself.


* One day I'll write a list of the gifts autism has brought to me and our family. But not this day. No, not today.

Go USA

The day that bin laden was killed, I asked Kassidy if she knew who he was.

Me:  Kassidy, do you know who osama bin laden is?


Kassidy: Yes.


Me: Who is he?


Kassidy: He is a bad terrorist who killed a bunch of people and wants to kill more.


Me: Guess what? The US got him today. We finally killed bin laden.


Kassidy: (with the biggest smile I have ever seen on her face and pumping her fist in the air) GO USA! GO USA!

Strange what they pick up on all by themselves because we really don't talk much about 9/11 and the "wars" are not affecting our family directly so I wonder where she got all that from. She wasn't even born when 9/11 happened. I guess we need to be mindful of the fact that kids (typical or not) are always absorbing and listening, even if we think they are not.

Mixed Feelings....

Daddy got a call for a job that is for possibly 6 tens or 7 tens and at least 3 weeks to maybe 6 months. Finally we can breath over our financial situation. What is the down side you ask? The job is in Valmy, NV which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive from home which means daddy will have to stay there - :-(

We had a little scare in the beginning of the week - we thought Kassidy had lice. After about 24 hours we found out she didn't have lice which is great! What is the down side you ask?  Now we have to figure out what she does have going on with her scalp.

Funny how life can be a bag of mixed feelings!

From a Teen With Autism

Please read the article at the following link:

http://idoinautismland.blogspot.com/2011/04/autism-and-anxiety.html


It is a good representation of the anxiety people who are autistic go through "right from the horses mouth" so to speak.