So Unpredictable!

Last night was Kassidy's 2nd Grade Night of Music concert at her school. I was very nervous about this all day yesterday. At her kindergarten graduation she did excellent standing on the stage in front of everyone and following along with the songs and movements. Then in first grade she had the worst night I have ever seen. She was too nervous for being on stage and the teacher had her at the end of the group. During the entire performance she was looking at the ceiling, doing her own moves and just "showing" she had autism. I guess it was hard for me because it was the first time I had to sit there and watch her being autistic and not be able to do anything to help her try to snap out of it. After she had done so well before on stage I guess I expected it to always be that way. WRONG - and boy did it hit me like a ton of bricks to actually see Kassidy act autistic. Fast forward to now and I am a nervous wreck. Kassidy brought up Monday night that she was shy and didn't know if she could do it. I told her she didn't have to, it was totally up to her. She decided she wanted to do the show. So Tuesday night Kassidy, Shane and I got to the school at the appointed time Kassidy needed to be there by and Shane and I went to the auditorium to wait for daddy, grandma jeanne and aunt dee to arrive before the show started. As all the 2nd graders where coming down the hall to start the show, I hear Kassidy screaming in her panic screams and my first thought was "here we go". The principal of the school and I go running out to the hallway to see if we could help calm her down because we both thought that she was just scared to go on stage. When we get to her, her teacher told us to look at her foot and we look down and her foot is bleeding.  Kassidy has a weird obsession with blood. She doesn't like to see her own though. So Kassidy yells out "It is a blood bath" and the principal takes her to the office to get a bandaid. (She had scabs on her foot from a rash and I guess she scratched at it on the way to the auditorium and pulled a scab off - thus the blood bath.)  So her wonderful principal got the bandaid on and we head back to the auditorium and get Kassidy in her spot just in time for the show to start. I return to my seat on the floor next to Shane and all during the first number, Kassidy keeps motioning to me that she wants me to do something but I can't figure out what. By the end of the number she is frustrated because I am not doing whatever she is trying to tell me to do. So when the song is over she raises her hand and tells the music teacher that she needs to talk to me. The teacher lets her come over to me where she proceeds to tell me that I am supposed to be sitting in a chair, not on the floor and for me to go find one in the back - IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SECOND GRADE CLASSES AND A JAM PACKED AUDITORIUM! I immediately jump up and tell her ok and find a seat while the music teacher takes her back to her spot. And Kassidy did wonderfully through the rest of the show. Once or twice she started to escape to her world but pulled herself back to reality. She did keep an eye on me to make sure I stayed in the chair though! Then I felt like I needed to explain to everyone in the place why she did what she did because I know that most of them do not know she has autism. I didn't do it but I just felt like holding up a big neon sign that said,  "You just saw the face of autism." When it was all done, she was very proud of herself and she just kept saying she couldn't believe she was bleeding before the show but she did the show. So I guess we took one small step back with the two little "scenes" but one giant leap forward because she was able to refocus and complete the task at hand. I am SO emotionally and physically exhausted today but I can say - ha ha to autism, we won last night!